You Met Online, So What's The Problem?

Hold your tooth brush like a pen, rather than a weapon, take it easy... You'll actually find people lying-admitting to meeting their "guy/girl" at the sewer than online...apparently there's a couple afraid to "confess" they "met online" So what’s the big deal about having met online? What's there to be ashamed of? The only bad thing is when you never meet and all you do is send each other silly poems and emojis - now that’s kidding. The same possibility of meeting a loser online is the same as when you meet the same loser at the Brew bistro or Sabina joy, at a safari park wedding, at a party in Runda or Kibera, at your church, at Gikomba while shopping for vegetables!

Even if you meet a guy through your mother, if the guy doesn’t like you bad enough and if he's not well behaved, he won’t start because yo’ mama selected him, a girl who doesn’t respect you won’t start just because you met her at her sisters party, shit don't work that way. If a man is an ass he will be an ass irrespective of where you met or whether the president introduced you or whatever the story you want to invent! Jerks, Con men, Thieves, and Date-rapists don’t go advertising themselves offline at the restaurant where you will possibly meet them, neither do they online, you learn about them slowly by being slow at dating and taking precaution when going out.

People like each other overtime, you learn each other regardless of where you met, then gauge whether the other person has too much bullshit than you can keep up with or otherwise, then you move on. The chemistry got nothing to do with this, chemistry fades like flash the minute one of you behaves badly and or shows characters that are not funny to you, like farting or belching too loud in your presence. Compatibility and Genuineness are some of the important characteristics you look out for, the rest fall into place slowly as you go.

"Online dating" is okay. If I meet a guy that looks mature, and when I read his "about" and see he is not in an “open relationship”, and not “sexually open” and his page looks like it’s a mature person who has been posting, then Hell yeah’ - if he is consistent in asking me out, communicating, and I kinda’ like him, I will go out on a date with him and gauge if he is as mature as his online profile suggested. I will pay attention, deep attention, I’m good at that, and  I will look to note what is likable about him other than what I had imagined, and or note whether he has a psycho, sociopath or a crazy needy, violent guy character. You can tell bad characters in 2 dates each 1 hour plus frequent chatting… [and guys if you like a girl on your Facebook please stop putting up profile photos of you and other girls, or of you behaving in a ratchet manner, we look out for these little things, we are girls and we look, actually spy for something to discourage us into accepting to chat with you and giving you our number] 

Maturity is very Attractive.

Girls, you cannot just disqualify him If the guy is an inch shorter than he said online, that’s not enough to drop him, there are more important things to look out for. But if he said he’s single and when he took you out on a lunch date and a crazy woman claiming to be his girlfriend came and poured fruit juice on you- Hell yeah! Drop him like a bad habit! Because evidently he ain' man enough to control the crazy women in his life! 

There is some nonsense you cannot drop a good guy for, like height, weight, colour, bad hair, his bad mix and match of clothing – you can change his dress code later on-  if all the other characteristics like valuing you, being consistent, commitment, communication, making you feel great, complementing you, respecting you, are all tops, you can let him get away with donning Tokyo trousers, and later on you can alter that and tell him what he looks better in.

Let no one deceive you, there are as many psychos online as there are OFFLINE, and no, those who try online dating are not losers or desperate, since everyone is busy or lazy and hiding online, online dating had to happen, and it’s okay, as long as you eventually meet after at least a month or two of serious chatting or rather “keeping in touch”…you never know, he might be a dick pic sender or an Mpesa sender or he never communicates at all, cuz you know what?, if he did not chat with you then, or talk to you on the phone, he won’t start when you show him your nipples...or he might be the nicest guy you will ever meet. Both possibilities are boundless.

Meeting a guy at the bar might be worse off since he might not take you seriously, or you might not take him seriously either, meeting at a wedding is not a guarantee that he will be the one. The bottom-line is, where you first had a first glance at each other doesn’t count, what counts is the future meetings and dates. You can meet a guy through your brother but when you go on your first date, he could sit there like a boss and ask you headless questions over his lunch break [by the way, lunch break dates are not cool, for a first time date] - you’ll think he is interviewing or worse interrogating you for a job posting, guys who do this, it’s appalling and it’s the reason she did not want to see you again!...

...And guys can you please quit the “what are you wearing and how was your night” question to a girl you are crushing on? It’s annoying - it makes me roll my eyes – unconsciously and it makes you sound childish. You can be allowed to ask that in a flourishing relationship, otherwise, keep it to yourfreakyself! If you want to date online, don’t go interrogating others online with “what do you do?” “which job exactly?” “which company?” who’s your boss?” “when did you last get laid?” “is your face really flawless?” “is that weave really your hair?” "what business do you really do" Nigga please! what are you? the police?! Don’t act like a dumb ass online because you’ll put everybody off with your silly “interview”, make things are normal as possible three four sentences of, how is your day, Had your breakfast/lunch yet?, I wish you a good day, I will chat with you later – and not making silly posts [like a HAAHAHAHA post- that makes you look crazy AF]-  that thought out kind of chat will grant you her number the next time you ask. Don’t come online to tell your crush how bored you are, bored people are boring!

A trend is set consciously or unconsciously, just be watchful. An idiot will always be an idiot and even more idiotic whether you meet him on Facebook, twitter,match.com, LinkedIn etc. or at the bus stop or railway station or even at your dad’s office, your main agenda being on social media, may not be dating, but if you like someone, go for it, ask her for her number, call her frequently to create a rapport, and then ask her out on a date, and girl, go to that date [only DON”T go to his house, or yours] and just follow “the after online” structures of dating as normal. Go to a safari walk or the museum if you are not comfortable sitting at a table full of food where you’re struggling to chew civilly, swallow and keep eye contact at the same time, but never at his friend’s place, the guy could be a rapist or worse.

Girls remember there are No shortcuts in dating or in courtship, and no imagining that just because you have been chatting on Facebook for 90days or on Whats-app that it means that you can get laid on the 91st day. 90 Day rule must apply, you will know a patient person this way, more now that we are living in a fast world of “I can get it elsewhere" . Dating begins when you go on the first date. Any day before that Does NOT count. At All!. …Guys here will try looking all cute, all seraphic and tell you that they don’t care if you sleep with them on the first date, that they won’t judge you, whereas they will be the first one to call a press conference and tell everyone how much you flexed it for him without struggle on the first date. Wackos are everywhere!

Remember it’s NOT a relationship, OFFLINE & ONLINE, until- you meet frequently, and till he asks you to be his woman and you agree to it, anything else is just an assumption or hope, and hope is not a strategy or a destination.

P.S Online Dating is not "OKAY" for those who are dating guys in Alaska who've been saying they're coming over... and its been what? five years now? Girl stop wasting your time! Look closer...

Irrepressibly,

Njoki, TheBadGirl!