Pick One, Values Or Sexual Attractiveness?

"Personal values are people's internal conception of what is good, beneficial, important, useful, beautiful, desirable, constructive, etc..."

"Sexual attractiveness or sex appeal is an individual's ability to attract the sexual or erotic interest of another person"

Many have, and I have loved someone who doesn't share my values and family setting believes few years back and I came into conclusions that shared values are way better than shared "interests" [which can be acted]  and physical attractiveness the Tall Dark & Handsome [but chronically boring and unintelligent] that I've unrepentant had, up to now we do not agree on almost everything with this person even though we are "okay" friends who cannot live in the same house because one of us will get bored and the other annoyed. I mostly get both the annoyed and bored to tears as am the one who has to keep the fire burning, I'm overly energetic and talkative. I don't think we both took enough time to learn each others core values or even took it seriously and I mostly thought its something I could change overtime, I only got exhausted! That taught me that we should look to have life partners who share our kind of values, interests and believes. 

People have gone ahead and married partners that are not of the same religion and principles thinking that with time one of them might change and or, they can uphold both religious faiths without any problem, some work in very rare cases but majority proves as not workable after a couple of years alongside arguments because Values are permanent like behaviors and they do not just change.

An attempt to change a grown up behavior is troublesome and opens up room for a very huge disappointment. Which makes me believe that instead of killing yourself with the job of changing someone's believes, beliefs, behaviors and line of thoughts, why not just be in relationship with people who already possess what you desire. Change is work and it does not just happen because you are crying and praying for it, and unless its your change, you shouldn't hope to see it realize.

Main Values & Believe differences that cause conflicts in our relationships

Sexual Values. 

Your sexual value is your personal beliefs, attitudes or feelings about sex and sexuality. Sex is a major part of relationship, that I cannot start imagining how it can work when you have different believes and values in it, like in the commitment part of it all. One person might strictly believe that they cannot do with just a single partner, another may believe in orgies, another in partner swinging, another in oral sex, anal sex, while you might well disagree with everything which will be the cause of a pitfall in your relationship, and to avoid such a calamity why not just find out about these kind of believes and values before getting deep into a serious relationship. I take sex seriously and I do my best to find out what someone am interested in and is interested in me thinks around it because am not ready to do things outside my ethics in the name of sex.

Religion.

Attempting to convert someone with different religious views even among mere friends create bitterness since one person will feel that their side of believes is being undermined. Just think about a few questions like; how will you handle parenting when it comes to it, what side will your kids follow? No religion is entirely the heaven ticketing one, but same spiritual dimensions play a major part on our growth in relationships.

Money/Financial Values.

Money does not buy sincere love partners , although it does bring them violently apart. Money is an area that causes a lot of fights in relationships, both the old and young relationships suffer because of money conflicts. You might come along a shopaholic who cannot help with impulse buying, you are deemed to suffer if this money being used extravagantly is under your name. When your partner thinks buying a home is not important and rather feels that buying himself a luxury car is, you are set to really fight and probably lose in this argument. Not seeing things from the same lens can brew lots of trouble.

Honesty/Loyalty/Trust/Fidelity Values.

People have different levels moral believes and some got none, some have very high honesty and loyalty levels, many others people do not think or feel that its important to uphold integrity or honesty in relationships today, when you have to deal with such a person as a high believer in the moral ladder, you are doomed to be undernourished in this kind of relationship. 

Children.

Some people value their freedom more when it comes to having children. I have seen women who have accepted to get into serious relationships with men who told them they do not want children from the word go, but the women secretly held it on imagining they can change a man's mind about the matter as they go. Which doesn't exactly happen. Just the other day there was such a story on the papers and the man in question made the woman have 'an unconscious' abortion every time she got pregnant. Why sign up for such BS when you an have a man who wants a family? 

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When you have major differences in major values and believes in your relationship, you are bound to fail. If you are not ready for frequent quarrels, being yelled at, getting the silent treatment when you are right, being told that you are acting stupid and talking stupid or being miss/Mr smartypants, acting dumb and acting bossy when from your end you are merely trying to get things in order using your personal values, then look at your value checklist. 

In retrospect, I know its very important for people to have the same ethics and believes, young people shouldn't bother with individuals they hope to change when they marry them, people are very independent nowadays as they are dramatic and crazy, you should not buy the imagined or promised 'potential' but what is. Otherwise, you'll end up wasting so much time like I did. 

Sexual attractiveness will not make sense when your values and the other persons values are not agreeing at the least. Sexual attractiveness dies a slow death, you never have a good time unless you are engaging sexually. This is why one partner will cheat with someone uglier than you and you are left there wondering why. Alignment as communication, is key.

Standardization of believes and values bring much more respect and happiness in relationships than having to prepare yourself for the tedious work of having to change someone overtime at the expense of your happiness and peace, since big differences in values may mean big differences in dreams and ambitions. 

...Imagine you are a quiet person, you think well in the calm of total tranquility and silence, then you get a loudmouth for a partner who wont stop talking and yelling, who won't understand the importance of quiet repose, when all you seek is peace that comes from within...I cant.

For a healthy relationship, you will need to find someone with whom you're fully compatible, someone with the same baseline as you.

Your Friend.
©NjokiTheGoodBadGirl™2015